Monday 30 July 2012

Tired of life and tired of the phone

Ok tough day. Bad day. Really bad day. Someone may or may not be getting fired at work. No one knows who and im stressing big time over it. I dont think i did anything to really be fired over though. Im still freaking out. I cant think or really do anything. Truthfully im scared. I cant lose my job. I work really well so i dont understand why. They say its cause someone was sitting down. Ok all of us sit down. Its called a five min break so they should fire everyone. Its so stupid. Only two people should be fired at work cause they suck at the job. Ya i admitted i could do a little better. But its not like I should be fired over it. I worked so hard today because i was freaking out. And there is one girl there who slacks off all the time and everytime she dose i get blamed for it too. Its fucking stupid! They should just fire her and see what a good worker i am. I feel bad saying that because she is my friend but im scared she just cost me my job! I dont think i can go one being friends with her if she keeps up what she is doing. I am sick of being blamed for her shit. My friends keep texting me. I dont want to pick up so i wont. I feel bad but i need time to myself today. We get paid tomorrow and they are taking everyone out for dinner. I will try not to eat cause i am trying to fast so fingers crossed. That i dont eat and dont get fired. Im so scared an i cant tell my parents.

Friday 13 July 2012

Fasting Finally

Today is the second day of my fast. All has gone well. My nephew will be coming for a sleep over. I plan to make him food with meat in it so i cant eat it (vegetarian) or just stuff i don't like. I did buy him candy i have to avoid but I am hoping it wont be a problem cause i will allow buy self Orange Juice. I am about 159.8 right now. I hope tomorrow i can be 158 even and then 156 ish on Sunday. Then 155 or 154 on Monday. My mom should be getting back around then. I hope i can keep my fast going for a little bit longer after she gets home. Then I will start eating tomato soup and a few Veggies to brake it. then try to eat watermelon before going into any to sweet fruits. My work is planning on going out to eat in August around the start. Not sure if they really will but I'm going to try to get out of it. I have a hard time eating in front of people. Plus its a fatty restaurant and i would gain after. Not feeling all that hungry. My head is starting to hurt a little and i have a few cravings but I will stay strong and i will be skinny. I'm sick of being a fat ass pig. -Jane

Wednesday 11 July 2012

Mom gone

My mother is leaving tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully I can use this time to fast or eat as little as possible. She will be gone for five or six days. I'm looking forward to not being forced to eat. My dad will hardly feed me. He might go to the store for TV dinners but i wont have to get anything. He never makes me eat and i love it! Today...I don't know. I want to eat but i haven't all day. I planed to just eat apples but I'm babysitting my nephews and their mom wont be home until 4 or 4:30. That is an hour from now. I just need to hold on then head home and binge on apples. They feel me up so fast that i wont eat anything over 200 calories at the most today. might not even be over 100. I'm just saying 200 as the high for today. I want to stick with and apple diet for as long as possible. My weight its about 160. Gained from a week of binging on cookies. The one thing i cant say no to. That and pizza. Ya it sucks. I want to lose 15 to 20 pounds before i go to Florida! If i can lose 5 pounds a week i could get the 20 pound weight loss before Florida. I have about Five weeks before i leave. I'm going to start doing ten to fifteen mins a day on the cross trainer and a bunch of toner stuff. That way i look good. I want to be 135 when school starts. Its the week i get back from Florida! Also today i need to work out a budget for next month cause i will be needing cloths and stuff. Grrr i hate never having enough money. My mom wants me to play for all this stuff with such a little pay check. But i did get a lower car payment when i traded in my old car so i am saving $50 a month on that. Anyways Ill see you guys later. and ya! -Jane

Saturday 7 July 2012

Fall Scare

I am posting from my phone cause of reasons. Just a few mins ago my nephew fell. He reacted normal at first crying so I picked him up. Then it got weird. His head fell back and he didnt respond. His arms curled up and his mouth puckered like a fish. He did respond for what seemed like forever. And at that moment I thought I killed him. I was sacred I had killed my reason to live..... He finally returned to normal...no one saw. No one believe me when I say to have him looked at. Im so scared something is wrong....if he is really hurt in a bad way...i couldnt live with it....

Tuesday 3 July 2012

Sometimes I sit there and ask God "Why"?

Ate to much yesterday and couldnt bring myself to weigh in today. So i am fasting today and hopefully for the next four - ten days. i hope i still weigh about 158.6. If i gained i will be so pissed. I want to be around 155 pounds at the end of the week if not less. Today i will clean my room finish laundry and then take a nap. Hopefully ill wake up around 8:00 so i can avoid dinner. Also i have been drinking more water. I have diet soda maybe once a day at the most. I plan to stay up as last as i can to i sleep in really late tomorrow. Then showering and hopefully getting away with no food at all. I will weigh myself tomorrow to see if i gained or lost or stay the same.....Im tired but will have to finish my room and stuff before the nap. Anyways Love-Jane